When I was 17, I graduated high school and committed to one of my dream schools with an excellent scholarship. If you told me then that in less than two years I’d be getting married, I never would have believed you. I was the first among my friend group to take this step, and while I’m sure some people saw it as ill-advised, for my partner and I, it was natural. The decision to become young parents was the same–it was something we both wanted to do and were prepared for in every aspect. I had my baby at 23 years old, 4 years younger than the US urban area average and over 1 year younger than the US rural area average age.
I recognize it’s a privilege to be in a position to have a child in this economy, especially as a Gen Z. We stepped into the job market with artificial intelligence restructuring so much of the work force. I’m proud of all my peers for being so hardworking and optimistic despite the current economic situation. Mothering in this economic, political, and social landscape is an experience that really connects you to other moms because of its unique challenges. With that being said, here are 8 things I’ve noticed as a young first time mom!
Observation 1: City vs. Country
Being pregnant at 22 in a place like New York City makes you feel like you’re on the show 16 and pregnant. In a place like Utah or New Mexico, it feels a lot more normal. Still on the younger end of things, but normal.
Observation 2: Age Perception
People have always told my husband and I, both independently and when we’re together as a couple, that we seem a few years older than we are. But now, it’s no longer “How old are you? 23? I thought you were like 26!”--now, it’s “Oh my God, you’re only 23? I thought you were 30!” Surprise!
Observation 3: Acceptance in the Adult World
Being accepted as an adult by colleagues, relatives, and the adult social circle around you happens in several shifts. First, it’s when you graduate high school (to a small extent). The next shifts for me were getting married (a big one), then graduating college (also a big one). With each of these milestones, I could sense the way adults interacted with me was changing because their perception of me was shifting. I was becoming a peer instead of an adolescent. Now that I have a baby, I feel fully accepted by older adults as their peer. On the flip side, I feel a bit alienated from women my age who do not have children, because it’s weird to be the same age but have a lot more responsibility.
Observation 4: Making Friends & Religion
It’s WAY easier to make mom friends if you’re part of a religious community. I noticed this with Mormons when I lived in Utah, and I definitely notice it as a Muslim. Because of sexual morality rules, it’s much more normalized, even celebrated, in many religious communities to get married and have children young. This means there are a lot more young families, which translates to more mom friends closer to my age.
Observation 5: What Your Baby Wears Matters
You get treated better in public if you and your baby are dressed better. As a first time mom, this one was really new to me. I love dressing my baby in cute outfits, but I never expected anyone but my partner and I to notice or care what he was wearing. People notice!
Observation 6: Babywearing Connections
When there’s another mom babywearing in public, we always lock eyes and give each other an approving smile or say hi. Or strike up a conversation. The first time I went out with my baby, this happened in the parking lot. It was very encouraging.
Observation 7: Mom Categories & Commodity Fetishization
People (especially online) want to put women into different groups. This doesn’t end when you become a mom. In the beginning, I was surprised by the “What kind of mom are you” messaging from brands and people on social media. And the products pushed to you based on these predetermined mom identity categories. A crunchy mom? A Montessori mom? Almond mom? Silky mom? Whatever you are, there’s something someone wants to sell you. And it’s usually expensive.
The revered “it” mom items cycle through every few years. Right now, it seems to be the Artipoppe carriers and Nuna stroller systems. I like products from both of these brands and think they’re great! But I don’t think moms should feel so much pressure to splurge just to conform to what they’re seeing online.
Observation 8: Young Moms & Tech
Moms in my age group tend to be more wary of technology than Millenials or Gen X parents. Unlike them, we got smartphones in elementary school. At the least, most of us were exposed to a wide variety of explicit content we didn’t have the capacity to process. Because we had these experiences with minimal guardrails from tech companies and not much parental supervision, we’re way less likely to give our kids phones. Gen Z parents are very aware of the damage screen time does to developing minds. We’re also witnessing an education crisis. Literacy rates and test scores are dropping because kids are too addicted to screens to learn when they’re at school. Teachers are saying each new class of kids comes in less capable than the last. We don’t want that for our babies, so we’re trying to do better!
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